Published by Flatiron Books on 24 Jan 2017
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This is how a family keeps a secret... and how that secret ends up keeping them.
This is how a family lives happily ever after... until happily ever after becomes complicated.
This is how children change... and then change the world.
This is Claude. He’s five years old, the youngest of five brothers, and loves peanut butter sandwiches. He also loves wearing a dress, and dreams of being a princess.
When he grows up, Claude says, he wants to be a girl.
Rosie and Penn want Claude to be whoever Claude wants to be. They’re just not sure they’re ready to share that with the world. Soon the entire family is keeping Claude’s secret. Until one day it explodes.
This Is How It Always Is is a novel about revelations, transformations, fairy tales, and family. And it’s about the ways this is how it always is: change is always hard and miraculous and hard again, parenting is always a leap into the unknown with crossed fingers and full hearts, children grow but not always according to plan. And families with secrets don’t get to keep them forever.
This is a heart-wrenching story of raising a trans child, and so many tough questions are asked. How do you prepare your child to go forth into the world boldly, but also protect them from a world that is not always kind? Do secrets protect or hurt? Why is being different this way so different from being different that way? When does a child know what they want, and when does a parent know better? How do you help your child pursue what they desire when they are still trying to figure it out themself? How do you ask the world to accept you for who you are when you're still trying to figure out who that is?
How did you teach your small human that it's what's inside that counts when the truth was everyone was pretty preoccupied with what you put on over the outside too?
We follow these contemplations through winding prose punctuated by moments of humour. You can count on mischievous siblings to make a cheeky comment or two!
"Maybe he can learn kung fu or something," Roo added. "But right now, he's just not equipped to be gay. That's why kids aren't gay when they're in kindergarten."
"I'm not sure that's why," said Rosie.
You don't have to be trans or a parent to relate to this story. These are questions we all ask as we navigate our place in the world, and you'll find that even the most different people have more similarities than differences.
You can't tell people what to be, I'm afraid. You can only love and support who they already are.
This book blurs the lines and will challenge you to revisit your assumptions about what's possible and what's "normal."
